This blog post is by my very good friend, Stacey. It is about chronic pain, something I know all too well and I thank her for sharing. Follow her on Twitter at @ALHSMommy please.
Sixteen years ago, a man driving a pickup truck ran a red light and changed my life. I had just eased out into the intersection, when he slammed into the driver’s side door of the car I was driving, totaling my sedan. He walked around my car and talked to me while the firemen worked to free me from the wreckage of my car. After the police gave him a ticket for running a red light, he drove his truck away from the scene of the accident, completely uninjured, and I never heard from him again. His name is Jay Pickle and what follows is what I’d like to say to him.
Mr. Pickle, your one moment of careless behavior completely changed the course of my life. Perhaps you never think of that little mistake you made all those years ago. Most of the time, I don’t think about that day, but I deal with the consequences of your action every hour of every day. In the mornings, I get out of bed in pain, barely able to lift my arms or turn my head. I spend the first hour of every day stretching and soaking my body in a tub of hot water to get to the point I can function as a mother. I have all sorts of neat tricks to get me through a day of taking care of my children, too, and I’m very good at multitasking. For example, I can use an ice pack or a TENS unit while reading to my kids. Sure, it takes me twice as long as other mothers to do every little task. Certainly, I have to stop to rest in the middle of chores or lessons, but I still do it all. You ruined my back, but I didn’t allow you to ruin my life.
Yes, I have children, Mr. Pickle. The doctors were able to repair and save my uterus after you damaged it slamming into my car at 40 mph. My first baby was only six months old at the time. I thank God I had just dropped him off with my sister, because the crash completely ruined his car seat. You would have killed my baby. Six hard years later, and after surgery I was able to have another baby. Two years after that, a miracle happened and I had a third child. The doctors never thought that would be possible, but I am strong and determined, and I did it. The third pregnancy stressed my uterus to the point it could no longer be saved and in 2001, I finally gave in and had a hysterectomy. I am happy and fulfilled with the three children I have, but sometimes I get a yearning to have another baby. That will never happen. You took that option away from me.
With each passing year, my spine gets weaker and more deformed. There is a surgical option, but the risks that it could cripple me are too great. I’m not willing to risk it. So, I live in pain, every minute of every day. I no longer remember what it feels like to not be in pain. I give thanks for days when the pain is relatively mild and I use those days to catch up from the ones I spend barely making it through.
I wonder where you are, Mr. Pickle, and what kind of life you have had. I wonder if I ever cross your mind. I wonder if I’ll ever really forgive you.
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wow Stacey, thats a very moving story. I don't really know what to say. I just hope that you are able to find some relief somehow. You never know what medical discovery is around the corner. Good luck and take care Faye
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I knew you dealt with back trouble. I had no idea it was as bad as this. People never really understand the consequences of those little actions. I truly can't stand that.
ReplyDeleteLike Stacey, I will never forget the name Jay Pickle of Centrnelle, AL. That day, he changed and hurt the most important person in my life. He and I both work construction in the Mobile, AL area & I have always looked for his name on projects that I worked. I did meet someone that knew him and he told me he was a drunk. I never have found him & have always thought about what I would do if did. So like Stacey, I wonder if he ever thinks of that day and does it haunt him that his actions have caused my wife awful pain everyday of her life since then.
ReplyDeleteStacey is a remarkable woman that has rarely complained about the pain and has always put us, her family first. Her back & neck damage have slowly increased as time went by and the pain is catching up with her though. She is a fighter and champ, and I am just greatful God has given me a job that provides good insurance so that she can get help & hopefully get better.
Stacey, that was well written and well said. I knew you had "back trouble", I didn't know the details or the history. Thank you for sharing that part of yourself with us. And know that your twitter family loves you. And will be right here for you, the best we can. Muah. HUGS.
ReplyDeleteStacey, thank you for sharing this story. We met on twitter and you were so caring about my condition. i was too insensitive to ask you what your story was. It touched my heart. I only know you from our twitter connection, but feel so close to you after reading this. i admire your drive to live and be the mother your children need. I know the struggle is hard and gets harder, but the biggest thing you are teaching your children is the power of life, the will to persevere. You are teaching them more just by fighting every day than they could learn in school. Your story inspires me to keep up my fight. I hope we can continue to be better friends as we know each other more.
ReplyDeleteThank you