This blog post is by my very good friend, Stacey. It is about chronic pain, something I know all too well and I thank her for sharing. Follow her on Twitter at @ALHSMommy please.
Sixteen years ago, a man driving a pickup truck ran a red light and changed my life. I had just eased out into the intersection, when he slammed into the driver’s side door of the car I was driving, totaling my sedan. He walked around my car and talked to me while the firemen worked to free me from the wreckage of my car. After the police gave him a ticket for running a red light, he drove his truck away from the scene of the accident, completely uninjured, and I never heard from him again. His name is Jay Pickle and what follows is what I’d like to say to him.
Mr. Pickle, your one moment of careless behavior completely changed the course of my life. Perhaps you never think of that little mistake you made all those years ago. Most of the time, I don’t think about that day, but I deal with the consequences of your action every hour of every day. In the mornings, I get out of bed in pain, barely able to lift my arms or turn my head. I spend the first hour of every day stretching and soaking my body in a tub of hot water to get to the point I can function as a mother. I have all sorts of neat tricks to get me through a day of taking care of my children, too, and I’m very good at multitasking. For example, I can use an ice pack or a TENS unit while reading to my kids. Sure, it takes me twice as long as other mothers to do every little task. Certainly, I have to stop to rest in the middle of chores or lessons, but I still do it all. You ruined my back, but I didn’t allow you to ruin my life.
Yes, I have children, Mr. Pickle. The doctors were able to repair and save my uterus after you damaged it slamming into my car at 40 mph. My first baby was only six months old at the time. I thank God I had just dropped him off with my sister, because the crash completely ruined his car seat. You would have killed my baby. Six hard years later, and after surgery I was able to have another baby. Two years after that, a miracle happened and I had a third child. The doctors never thought that would be possible, but I am strong and determined, and I did it. The third pregnancy stressed my uterus to the point it could no longer be saved and in 2001, I finally gave in and had a hysterectomy. I am happy and fulfilled with the three children I have, but sometimes I get a yearning to have another baby. That will never happen. You took that option away from me.
With each passing year, my spine gets weaker and more deformed. There is a surgical option, but the risks that it could cripple me are too great. I’m not willing to risk it. So, I live in pain, every minute of every day. I no longer remember what it feels like to not be in pain. I give thanks for days when the pain is relatively mild and I use those days to catch up from the ones I spend barely making it through.
I wonder where you are, Mr. Pickle, and what kind of life you have had. I wonder if I ever cross your mind. I wonder if I’ll ever really forgive you.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Guest Blog Post #4
Here is an insightful and funny piece from Denise Swank. Please enjoy it and you can find her Twitter handle and blog addy at the end of it:
Socially Savvy
Social media is revolutionizing the world. Facebook and Twitter are ways to reach out into the world and connect with target audiences. But what about reaching a closer audience? Like your children?
It's a well known fact teenagers are repulsed at the idea of having an actual conversation. You only have to observe two teens sitting side by side sending each other texts to know this is true. But having a conversation with their mother? Shudder. Yet, we parents need to stay in tuned with our kids, so what are we supposed to do? Tap into their preferred communication technique.
Text messaging.
Lucky for my children, I am social media savvy. (I really want to insert an evil laugh here, yet I will refrain.)
My teens have cell phones, but the rule is if they don’t answer my phone call or text, they better have a REALLY good reason. Like they were driving. Or they were attacked by killer bees. Or they were under general anesthesia donating a kidney to buy my birthday gift.
Last Friday, my 8th grade daughter, Julia, went to the high school football game with friends. I told her to text me when her friend’s mother was bringing them home. What followed was deeply moving, bonding experience between mother and daughter.*
Julia: We’re on our way home
Me: Did you win?
Julia: No, we lost. The other team kicked the ball thru some posts at the end
Me: A field goal?
Julia: You know what a field goal is? Did they have football when you were in school?
Me: Of course. Back in those days we used T Rex bladders for balls. The Brontos' bladders were too big.
Julia:???
Julia: Oh! Abby thought you were funny
Me: See??? I keep telling you I’m funny.
Julia: No, Mom. No
Abby (to me): Ms. Denise you were funny
Julia (to me): Stop you are embarrassing me
Me (to Julia): What about Muffy? All my readers thought she was funny. (flatulent dog from my novel)
Julia: No, Mom
Me: :-P”””
Julia: Huh?
Me: It’s a face! With a tongue hanging out, spitting.
Julia: ?
Me: It’s a VERY sad day when a mother teaches her 13 y/o daughter an emoticon.
Julia: Oh Mom
Abby (to me): that was funny
Julia (to me): MOM!
Me: X-(
Julia: I don’t get it
Me: It’s an angry face. Turn it sideways.
Abby (to me): I see it! That's cool!
Julia (to me): Mom, stop, my friends think you are funny
Me: Oh, the horror! Did you have fun?
Julia: Yeah
Me: Any cute boys?
Julia: MOM! STOP!
(Car pulls into driveway. Julia comes into the house.)
“Now you’ve done it. My friends think you’re cool.” Julia mumbled when she walked in the house.
“Is that a bad thing?”
She gave me a dramatic eye roll as she left the room.
Is there an emoticon for that?
*This text conversation may have been slightly exaggerated for entertainment purposes.
When not tormenting her children, Denise can be found on Twitter as @DeniseMSwank or on very rare occasions, lurking on her own blog http://www.theresalwaysroomforonemore.com
Socially Savvy
Social media is revolutionizing the world. Facebook and Twitter are ways to reach out into the world and connect with target audiences. But what about reaching a closer audience? Like your children?
It's a well known fact teenagers are repulsed at the idea of having an actual conversation. You only have to observe two teens sitting side by side sending each other texts to know this is true. But having a conversation with their mother? Shudder. Yet, we parents need to stay in tuned with our kids, so what are we supposed to do? Tap into their preferred communication technique.
Text messaging.
Lucky for my children, I am social media savvy. (I really want to insert an evil laugh here, yet I will refrain.)
My teens have cell phones, but the rule is if they don’t answer my phone call or text, they better have a REALLY good reason. Like they were driving. Or they were attacked by killer bees. Or they were under general anesthesia donating a kidney to buy my birthday gift.
Last Friday, my 8th grade daughter, Julia, went to the high school football game with friends. I told her to text me when her friend’s mother was bringing them home. What followed was deeply moving, bonding experience between mother and daughter.*
Julia: We’re on our way home
Me: Did you win?
Julia: No, we lost. The other team kicked the ball thru some posts at the end
Me: A field goal?
Julia: You know what a field goal is? Did they have football when you were in school?
Me: Of course. Back in those days we used T Rex bladders for balls. The Brontos' bladders were too big.
Julia:???
Julia: Oh! Abby thought you were funny
Me: See??? I keep telling you I’m funny.
Julia: No, Mom. No
Abby (to me): Ms. Denise you were funny
Julia (to me): Stop you are embarrassing me
Me (to Julia): What about Muffy? All my readers thought she was funny. (flatulent dog from my novel)
Julia: No, Mom
Me: :-P”””
Julia: Huh?
Me: It’s a face! With a tongue hanging out, spitting.
Julia: ?
Me: It’s a VERY sad day when a mother teaches her 13 y/o daughter an emoticon.
Julia: Oh Mom
Abby (to me): that was funny
Julia (to me): MOM!
Me: X-(
Julia: I don’t get it
Me: It’s an angry face. Turn it sideways.
Abby (to me): I see it! That's cool!
Julia (to me): Mom, stop, my friends think you are funny
Me: Oh, the horror! Did you have fun?
Julia: Yeah
Me: Any cute boys?
Julia: MOM! STOP!
(Car pulls into driveway. Julia comes into the house.)
“Now you’ve done it. My friends think you’re cool.” Julia mumbled when she walked in the house.
“Is that a bad thing?”
She gave me a dramatic eye roll as she left the room.
Is there an emoticon for that?
*This text conversation may have been slightly exaggerated for entertainment purposes.
When not tormenting her children, Denise can be found on Twitter as @DeniseMSwank or on very rare occasions, lurking on her own blog http://www.theresalwaysroomforonemore.com
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Guest Blog Post #3
I am honored to present a heart-felt post by @SuthernGeekette aka Amy. Follow her on Twitter and visit her at http://sutherngeekette.tumblr.com/
Pregnancy and infant loss awareness day was October 15th prompting me to write this about my own personal experiences.
I think about the children I've lost everyday. I've had two miscarriages. People who have never experienced it sometimes can't comprehend the pain you feel. It is the deepest heartbreak I've ever felt.
My first was over 13 years ago. It was my very first pregnancy. I was about 8 weeks along. I was at work. Without going into graphic detail, suffice it to say, my miscarriage started and I immediately went into denial. My co-workers had to convince me what was happening. I went to the hospital.
Hours later when the ER doctor finally checked me out, he got me in to see the ultrasound technician. She showed me on the screen where the baby had been. I began to cry and shake, coming to terms with what had happened.
She then said, "Wait, you hear that?" I said, "Hear what?" I couldn't hear over my own crying. I took a breath and calmed down. I heard a strange woosh-woosh sound. She smiled at me and said, "That is your OTHER baby's heartbeat." It was the most wonderful sound I had ever heard. In that one moment, I felt grief, love and joy all at the same time.
Seven months later my son was born. He was purple and they had to help him take his first breath but he was alive and healthy. It was a true blessing. And we just celebrated his 13th birthday last week.
The second child that I lost was a lot different. It happened almost nine years after the first. I had been very meticulous about going to the doctor. I had seen my baby on the ultrasound. Looked like a little bean on the screen. I heard that wonderful woosh-woosh sound. They said she had a strong heartbeat. They said she looked good. Everything was fine as far as they could tell. No, they didn't say the baby was a girl, but...I knew she was. I felt it. I was scheduled to come back at 12 weeks. By week 11, I was spotting. I got scared, fast. The doctors worked me in that same day. I went in to get the ultrasound and the technician wouldn't say anything except that she couldn't answer questions. That I would have to talk to my doctor.
Seemed like hours before I got through the rigamarole to finally see my doctor. He told me the baby had died at approximately 10 weeks. I started crying, uncontrollably. He was very patient. He calmed me down enough to talk to me. He explained that it hadn't been anything that I had done. Even though, for some reason, I felt I had. He further explained that sometimes babies just don't develop correctly and that it was probably a breakdown on a cellular level that caused the baby to die. He kept reiterating that it was nothing I had done and for me not to take the blame for something I had no control over. Because I have a bicornuate uterus, it would be too risky to my health to perform a DNC procedure to get the remains of my baby. I would have to let "nature take it's course".
Again, without going into graphic detail, I'll tell you this: that miscarriage took 3weeks to reach completion. Those were the worst 3 weeks of my life. I was motionless as much as possible. I was basically bedridden. My body was slow to finish the miscarriage and my heart broke constantly. Not a moment passed when I wasn't crying and mourning the child I had come to love. I had named her in my mind and in my heart.
She wasn't "just a pregnancy" as I've heard some callous people claim. She was my baby. My child. And I loved her. I still love her and mourn her every moment of every day. She was my Katherine and I miss her deeply.
Pregnancy and infant loss awareness day was October 15th prompting me to write this about my own personal experiences.
I think about the children I've lost everyday. I've had two miscarriages. People who have never experienced it sometimes can't comprehend the pain you feel. It is the deepest heartbreak I've ever felt.
My first was over 13 years ago. It was my very first pregnancy. I was about 8 weeks along. I was at work. Without going into graphic detail, suffice it to say, my miscarriage started and I immediately went into denial. My co-workers had to convince me what was happening. I went to the hospital.
Hours later when the ER doctor finally checked me out, he got me in to see the ultrasound technician. She showed me on the screen where the baby had been. I began to cry and shake, coming to terms with what had happened.
She then said, "Wait, you hear that?" I said, "Hear what?" I couldn't hear over my own crying. I took a breath and calmed down. I heard a strange woosh-woosh sound. She smiled at me and said, "That is your OTHER baby's heartbeat." It was the most wonderful sound I had ever heard. In that one moment, I felt grief, love and joy all at the same time.
Seven months later my son was born. He was purple and they had to help him take his first breath but he was alive and healthy. It was a true blessing. And we just celebrated his 13th birthday last week.
The second child that I lost was a lot different. It happened almost nine years after the first. I had been very meticulous about going to the doctor. I had seen my baby on the ultrasound. Looked like a little bean on the screen. I heard that wonderful woosh-woosh sound. They said she had a strong heartbeat. They said she looked good. Everything was fine as far as they could tell. No, they didn't say the baby was a girl, but...I knew she was. I felt it. I was scheduled to come back at 12 weeks. By week 11, I was spotting. I got scared, fast. The doctors worked me in that same day. I went in to get the ultrasound and the technician wouldn't say anything except that she couldn't answer questions. That I would have to talk to my doctor.
Seemed like hours before I got through the rigamarole to finally see my doctor. He told me the baby had died at approximately 10 weeks. I started crying, uncontrollably. He was very patient. He calmed me down enough to talk to me. He explained that it hadn't been anything that I had done. Even though, for some reason, I felt I had. He further explained that sometimes babies just don't develop correctly and that it was probably a breakdown on a cellular level that caused the baby to die. He kept reiterating that it was nothing I had done and for me not to take the blame for something I had no control over. Because I have a bicornuate uterus, it would be too risky to my health to perform a DNC procedure to get the remains of my baby. I would have to let "nature take it's course".
Again, without going into graphic detail, I'll tell you this: that miscarriage took 3weeks to reach completion. Those were the worst 3 weeks of my life. I was motionless as much as possible. I was basically bedridden. My body was slow to finish the miscarriage and my heart broke constantly. Not a moment passed when I wasn't crying and mourning the child I had come to love. I had named her in my mind and in my heart.
She wasn't "just a pregnancy" as I've heard some callous people claim. She was my baby. My child. And I loved her. I still love her and mourn her every moment of every day. She was my Katherine and I miss her deeply.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Guest Blog Post #2
The economy continues to affect many of us negatively. The 2nd guest blogger to appear here this week has thoughts on this subject. You may know her as @Lissy_Kuri and she is one of the first people I Followed on Twitter. Please copy my action and Follow her. And help her with a job, if it's within your power.
The American worker is said to be the backbone of our nation. Yet today many go unemployed. Or overworked and underpaid. To say the least, I am one of these workers. Work long hours never get that "pat on the back" and suddenly after working with a company they let me go. No explanations, just goodbye. Is it my fault for having a lack of education, my middle class family told me from when I turned 16, "miha ( daughter ) you need to get a job." Then after graduation, 19, "miha, you need to go to college, but we can't pay for it." Yet I did it, for a little while anyway. Working 40 hours then going to school for 20 was hard. After a while it got expensive. Then my parents said, "miha you need to help with the bills." So there I was, 22, working full time,.going from one dead end job to another, with no end in sight.
This is the fate of many young people today, working at food chains, and other customer service jobs. Not that there is anything wrong with an honest day's work. But at some point your experience is higher than a college degree, then you be come typecast as only working in the retail industry. You find you have to fill out applications and work alongside teenagers. Then wonder how did I get to this point. What other choice do I have, go back to school and get high interest student loans then after I get my degree become part of another problem with having a large debt that I won't be able to be rid of until I'm in my 40's?
The American worker is said to be the backbone of our nation. Yet today many go unemployed. Or overworked and underpaid. To say the least, I am one of these workers. Work long hours never get that "pat on the back" and suddenly after working with a company they let me go. No explanations, just goodbye. Is it my fault for having a lack of education, my middle class family told me from when I turned 16, "miha ( daughter ) you need to get a job." Then after graduation, 19, "miha, you need to go to college, but we can't pay for it." Yet I did it, for a little while anyway. Working 40 hours then going to school for 20 was hard. After a while it got expensive. Then my parents said, "miha you need to help with the bills." So there I was, 22, working full time,.going from one dead end job to another, with no end in sight.
This is the fate of many young people today, working at food chains, and other customer service jobs. Not that there is anything wrong with an honest day's work. But at some point your experience is higher than a college degree, then you be come typecast as only working in the retail industry. You find you have to fill out applications and work alongside teenagers. Then wonder how did I get to this point. What other choice do I have, go back to school and get high interest student loans then after I get my degree become part of another problem with having a large debt that I won't be able to be rid of until I'm in my 40's?
Monday, October 18, 2010
Guest Blog Post #1
This week's first guest blogger is @1BlondeWonder, as she is known on the Twitters. She has decided to post on a topic I gave to those who were wondering what to blog about; what does Twitter mean to you? She's a lot of fun and I recommend you Follow her immediately:
Twitter
Twitter means different things to different people. I joined twitter to help take my mind off of a breakup. I needed the distraction, it didn’t make me feel better but it sure kept me occupied. It was strange at first, figuring it all out but it didn’t take long to learn the rules, there really aren’t any. I was fascinated by all these people who were somewhere in the world conversing at the same place and at the same time.
My first twitter friend was April. Even over the internet waves I knew I liked her, cyber chemistry. It wasn’t long before other friends came along. How do you explain twitter to someone who’s never heard of it or ever tried it? It’s a way to connect even when you feel disconnected. They can’t understand how relationships can form, but they do. There are many people who I have met who I would love to meet in real life. I know of several people whose relationships have carried over into the real (outside) world. There’s someone for everyone on twitter, to agree or disagree.
How many celebrities have I talked to? It’s crazy! How else could that ever happen, communicating in real time talking to them about whatever? It doesn’t. It’s a whole new way to connect and you either get it or you don’t. It has opened up a whole new world for me, a place to go when you feel isolated, a place to chat, share ideas, and expand your views. Incredible.
Twitter means different things to different people. I joined twitter to help take my mind off of a breakup. I needed the distraction, it didn’t make me feel better but it sure kept me occupied. It was strange at first, figuring it all out but it didn’t take long to learn the rules, there really aren’t any. I was fascinated by all these people who were somewhere in the world conversing at the same place and at the same time.
My first twitter friend was April. Even over the internet waves I knew I liked her, cyber chemistry. It wasn’t long before other friends came along. How do you explain twitter to someone who’s never heard of it or ever tried it? It’s a way to connect even when you feel disconnected. They can’t understand how relationships can form, but they do. There are many people who I have met who I would love to meet in real life. I know of several people whose relationships have carried over into the real (outside) world. There’s someone for everyone on twitter, to agree or disagree.
How many celebrities have I talked to? It’s crazy! How else could that ever happen, communicating in real time talking to them about whatever? It doesn’t. It’s a whole new way to connect and you either get it or you don’t. It has opened up a whole new world for me, a place to go when you feel isolated, a place to chat, share ideas, and expand your views. Incredible.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Guest Blog Post Details
So you want to rent space here, huh? Got something to say? Want to vent over here, in the corner of the internet where the dustbunnies thrive? Well have at it! It's free of charge and oh so easy to do. Here are the details:
- Offer open to anyone who has something to say.
- No minimum or maximum word count.
- I ask that there be no excessive profanity or sexuality.
- You may have your post entered as "anonymous"
- Please have your post to me sometime within the week of October 18th..
- Submit your post to my email at robjohnson22@gmail.com
- The sooner the better!
That's it. I eagerly await your nimble and intriguing posts in my email box. Have fun!
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